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"Oh, by the way," she said, before hanging up the phone, "everyone commented on how beautiful you are. Brian (Graham) was asking who that woman was who came in first."

That first woman entering Knoll showroom for his lecture this morning was me. I thanked her, and hung up the phone.

Instead of feeling flattered, my mood turned sour. Instead of being delighted to hear such comments at last in my thirties, I fought back the tears. I went to the restroom and stared at myself in the mirror. The longer I looked, the stronger I desired to smash the mirror reflecting my image. When I came back to my workstation, I plugged both my ears with Chopin.

Without his gaze upon me, I no longer feel confident and beautiful...just awkward and exposed.